Mar 13, 2007

Annoying Comments

Folks who adopt need to remember the stupid things we might have said had we never adopted and the stupid things we have said in our life history. We need to sympathize with the public when they stick feet in their mouths. There are comments that are intended to hurt, but mostly it's the comments that come out unknowingly and innocently, often disguised under "good" intentions that we find the most agonizing and over the years, probably quite irritating and dull as they are repeated over and over and over . . .

Let me you give you an example of one of my own follies. During a job many years ago I came upon a house with a yard stocked with toddler play equipment. I got this idea that it was a day care facility. I approached a white women cooing with a black baby and asked her if she was, *gulp*, the baby sitter. The glare and cool "no" was all I needed to realize I was a fool. Please forgive me.

For now I will spare you the adoption-oriented comments since we have not gotten too many of those so far. Instead here are some of my favorite triplet-oriented comments, some simply unoriginal, others more painful. Don't fret if you have said some of these things to us, I'm sure I would have been guilty too.

1. You must have your hands full!
2. How do you do it, ha-ha!?
3. Oh, Cindy, how are you doing (big sad eyes ready to console me)?
4. Are you getting any sleep?
5. Do you have any help?
6. Glad it's you and not me.
7. Your house will be a train wreck.
8. That's not something I would want.
9. Could you have said no?

Let me clarify a few things. We are also glad it's us and nobody else. We felt the ultimate stroke of luck that we were chosen to parent these amazing triplet boys! We squealed and jumped up and down when the referral call came and "no" was never on the table. The boys are mostly pleasure with only minimal stress (about the right amount). This isn't 1950s. Jerry does not leave me alone to do all the parenting and wifeing. Get over it, we think it's easier than dealing with a baby, toddler, and older child all at once and changing diapers and getting up all hours for the next 1o+ years. We spend our time together playing, cuddling, kissing, cooing, loving, and marveling. Now does that sound so hard? ;).


A Voice said...

Very well said. :)

Lynn and Matt said...

I'm glad it is you, and I wish it was me, too! You are blessed with those three precious boys.

Lynn (TTC adotption board)

Swerl said...

I admire your candor, your generous spirit and your point of view.

I was preparing a post on this very issue when I stumbled on yours. Could I incorporate it into mine? I will link back to your blog.

Angela said...

Awesome. We have a 3 and 5 year old right now, and are hoping to adopt two more...hopefully twins, or siblings. i love reading your blog. you've got a great outlook. thanks for your encouragement!