Jul 28, 2009

Breaking Ice

There must be a post-adoption line many of us families eventually cross where suddenly your insides screw up, you hide, and things like blog posts and words drop off to unknown depths before you can share them. It's not adoption ethics, inequalities, loss, racism, or the complexities of transracial relationships that are suddenly stirring and disorganizing my head (I'm not that slow), it's . . . I don't know . . . I think it's the cross over from babies to boys that's doing it. Or maybe triplet mania has hit hard. Remember, I used to scoff at this line: you sure got your hands full! OK, I admit it, we do! We do! Overwhelmed, totally.

I've also phased into the kind of adoptive mother who chills when strangers start their prying. Are they adopted, what's their story, why Ethiopia . . . ? Hey, it's not their fault, I mean what did I expect? I'm just tired hearing my answers over and over; it bores me. Anyway, I am squeezing this blog post out to break my writers block. It's either that or end it all (the blog I mean, this is not a cry for help) and although I played with the latter idea, even drafted a final post, I still need this outlet, for now, or parts of me may explode.

Gawd, that felt good.

So here is what's going on. My boys are growing up and that's a big deal! I never knew three was such a symbolic number. Yes, the three turned three one month ago. Next month they start Pre-School, four mornings a week. My unchattery bunch, who remain not speechless but behind in language, will indeed attend Head Start as I blogged before. Did I ever tell you I fought tears, big heavy tears, as I sat at an oval desk feeling cagey and circled by about a dozen hot faced HS faculty? Mama doesn't take this growing up stuff very well, it seems.

Here's the biggy: for the first time ever since my boys began as zygotes, they are to be separated. Separated into three different classrooms. I knew one day the school system would strong arm me into this. But as I heard their arguments and I heard what I was telling them, it was clear. Imagine, tripletism can be bad for your brain. For example, one builds blocks, another knocks them down, and three are off wrestling. Great for the body and character, but that big old brain needs more singleton-like exercise.

Sentimentalism, that's all I suffer from. Growing up, starting school (with a school bus and everything!), separate classrooms, speech delays, it's all still a big party to them. And 3 three year olds definitely makes a party. Everyday. :)


Nancy said...

I knew there was something going on. I didn't know what exactly.

I feel you on much that you said. I have the same thoughts of stopping but desperately need this outlet...still. I don't even feel relevant as a blogger any longer because I am so removed from the adoption process, and living the every day complexities of parenting. Plus I admit it too - I'm having a hard time that my baby is no longer (I still have her clothes).

I'm glad you broke through and shared. I'm happy to see the boys faces and hope in some way you are still dancing :)

Rachel said...

Glad you still need the blog as an outlet because I still need your blog too! Ever since your forum post announcing triplets, I've loved following along as your boys have grown up. School's big. They'll do great. You will too:-)

Rebecca said...

Thanks for coming back to us! I love your blog and seeing pictures of your beautiful boys.

Thanks for being honest about being bored with giving the same old answers to the same old questions. I worry about having that problem someday and felt alone in it.

Welcome back! We missed you!

Mama Papaya said...

Welcome back friend. Three is a major milestone. I can't even really call my big kid a toddler anymore. She's just a big kid. It is sad, but good. Hard, but happy.

Best wishes to the whole family as school begins. They'll do great. And so you will you. I promise.

Cindy said...

I am so glad you are back! We have missed you. 3 is such a fun, trying, exhausting age but I bet that preschool will be magic! Wishing you all the best!!

♪~Jenn~♪ said...

how is it that days turn into months...into years so fast???!!!
I understand the need for the outlet...I came back after months of hiatus for the same reason.
you're boys are getting so big...so beautiful and full of individual personality.

good to read of your adventures in parenting land again☺

Lori's Light Extemporanea said...

I'm sorry, Cindy, it is such a big, hard milestone for us parents. And it's only the first. Now I'm struggling with my biggest children turning into young adults, having more freedoms, and being out in the world where I have no hope of saving them if something really bad comes up...it seems like the days go soooo slowly, then they speed up and even accelerate. It's a weird thing and I don't like it.

Tamerarae said...

glad to see you post. I enjoy reading them.

ellenhopes said...

wow i'm so glad your back!!! love reading your posts and seeing the boys grow up...there is nothing easy about school, sending you hugs ellen

Sharon and Michael said...

It's about time for some updates. :D I keep checking back. Love those kids faces and your pics.

Kim said...

I love your posts and your sensitivity to your boys.

Tarah said...

Love your post. Your boys are gorgeous!

I understand what you are talking about. I like to occasionally tell strangers that we are forbidden to talk of the UPS man in front of the kids. ;) I have a giggle and they just stare.

Thanks for sharing a glimpse into your life.

ethiograndma said...

Glad you resumed your blog, love the pictures!